Northern Thailand & The Longneck Tribe

Still on a high following our Elephant Nature Park adventure - it was a big day for Wills and Kate too and, yes, we did catch highlights of The Royal Wedding (Chris made sure of that, though not quite the same with Thai commentary) - we are heading up country hoping to spend some time with The Longneck Tribe.

Best bet is to hire a taxi for the day from Chiang Mai - we are staying at a neat little guest house The Galare perched alongside the Mae Ping River - and take in a few sights along the way.

Like thousands of others we feel we can't come this far without making a plgirmage to Wat Doi Suthep, a sacred temple in the clouds perched on the summit of a mountain with Chiang Mai scattered like a tiny model city below it.

Reaching the temple itself is an ordeal. Clambering out of our taxi we face a long uphill climb to it - we lost count of the number of steps - but are rewarded by its stunning location, where the locals come to worship a Buddhist relic enshrined in a picturesque golden chedi and where children dressed in colourful tradtional costume dance and sing.

Some 30km north lies the hill tribe village of Baan Ton Luang where four tribes - many who have fled across the border from Myanmar (Burma) in search of a better life - co-exist in blissful harmony. Two, in particular, are fascinating - the Lahu Shibalah (Long Ear) and the Karen (Long Neck).

We pay a fee to access the village - the money going to its upkeep and to helping its inhabitants (who are, to all intents and purposes, refugees) - and, in return, are granted permission to wander around at our leisure. They are happy to show us their way of life, the handicrafts they make and willing to invite us into their homes.

John shoots some crossbow and arrows with local children - manages a bullseye too, much to his amazement - while one of the Long Ear ladyfolk removes one of her huge earrings revealing to Chris the massive gap in her earlobe. Cripes.

But what really knocked us out were The Karens. From the age of five the girls start to wear rings around their necks which are added to year after year until they have in excess of 35 - a tradition handed down over centuries in the belief that it makes them more beautiful. The rings, which must be worn at all times, even when asleep, actually stretch the neck. Strange, but true.

One tribeswoman we spoke to - her English excellent - told us of the consequent health issues - headaches, breathing difficulties, spinal and collarbone problems.

Both Chris and I had the opportunity to feel the weight of these rings and were gobsmacked. You'd get the picture if we told you John needed both hands just to pick them up. Wearing them around the neck for a lifetime doesn't bear thinking about - but to them its their heritage and culture. We left the village and its welcoming people feeling it's a burden no-one should be forced to, quite literally, carry from the age of five to the grave.

John gets it in the neck
We have loved our time in Chiang Mai - the quaint walled ancient quarter, its tiny bars and cafes and lantern-lit riverside restaurants - but next stop is out in the mountains at Tharnthong Lodge, where we can get close to nature (and in John's case too close).

Situated less than 50km from the city, the lodge is surrounded by dense jungle and cool mountain streams. It's home to beautiful rare birds, butterflies and, at night, thousands of fireflies. The scenery is quite breath-taking, but paradise surely must have a sting in the tail - and it does.

Chris is first to feel the I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here blues. Having trekked to the top of a mountain and back - so remote we mark our trail - in the sweltering heat and, within sight of the lodge, she walks into a giant spider's web.

It's not like a web at home - this is much thicker, stickier and stronger. It really clings to you. A piercing scream echoes through the valley (it must have been heard in Chiang Mai). John helps to remove the web bit by bit, but Chris sees a ''black thing'' on her shoulder and scream No. 2 matches the first in its intensity.

Once over the shock - and no lasting harm done - we have a laugh about it. But nature isn't done with us yet. Sitting in the open-sided restaurant that night watching a tremendous storm brewing in the mountains above us something lodges between John's shirt collar and neck and decides it likes it - by leaving its sting visible and drawing blood instantly. (We think it was a hornet - again much bigger than ours. How come the beasties are turning on us?) Chris manages to get needle-like sting out in one, but it has left an angry-looking red mark so antibiotic cream on and hope for the best.

Chris spends most of the night checking John for ''signs of life'' (yup, still breathing) - now that's dedication to the cause - and in the morning everything appears hunky dory, though sting has left nasty crater-like wound (More anitbotic cream applied).

Perhaps we're not cut out for this Mother Nature lark after all - and anyway it's time we headed back to Bangkok before embarking on our last but one chapter on our travles.

That will take us to Kanchanaburi and The Bridge Over The River Kwai - an infamous section of the Thai-Burma Railway built by Allied prisoners during the Second World War, men who suffered appalling cruelty at the hands of their Japanese captors.

This next part of our journey, to a place of pilgrimage for those POWs who survived starvation, torture and disease - thousands died building the line - promises tears, but also uplifting tales and deeds of incredible stoicism, bravery and heroism.